So we're home after a bit of a vacation up to the Northern areas of Wisconsin and Minnesota. My buddy Scott, the inspiration for 7 Minutes, got married and it was fun to reconnect with some old college wrestling buddies. One may have some work possibilities for me in the future. Video game writing. Nothing solid, more of a "I'll pass your info to the right people" kinda thing, which is always cool.
I also pitched HOMECOMING to Sony yesterday. I'm smart enough to know I won't hear back for awhile, still can't help but be a bit nervous. At least I think I have a backup plan in case it doesn't happen.
Writing these WELL BEYOND REASON scripts and I haven't heard back from either of the artists I sent them too. I'm pretty sure one is not returning because they've lost interest, the other I may have offended. I dunno, I can't be upset, I mean they were gonna work for free. I have access (possibly) to two artists that would be awesome but they would cost money. I'm still thinking. I really want to do this, and if I do, I need to self-publish. Though the thought does run through my head, if I'm going to pay an artist, why not just pay Neil and go forward with Vision Quest? I still have a lot of thinking to do in that department.
Of course, it's also possible that I'm not that talented and I've just chosen another path in which I can't possibly succeed. I tend to do that to myself every now and again. I believe myself to be something special and the rest of the world doesn't find me to be so great and then I'm left with mediocrity. Hell, I'd settle for mediocre instead of just plain sucking and failure.
Maybe that online course would be a good idea. Of course, $500 is a lot to find out you're not very good. But maybe I need to hear that from an industry professional? I think I'm a good writer, I know that I make mistakes from time to time (who doesn't). When I rewrote my talent search entry, I noticed a few mistakes and figured those would probably do me in and sure enough I was right.
It's still possible I could hear back and get some feedback. It's also possible that it'll never happen. I'll wait a month or so and send an email asking for some constructive criticism. We'll see if I ever hear back.
This is going to be one of those days where I shit on myself. I know I'm a "good guy." I have a good work situation and I really should just work to keep growing my business but the truth is my heart just lies in a different place. And, as always, it's a place that is rather difficult to reach. I guess my fear is that end up like my grandfather. A wannabe writer with something to say but not enough talent to realize that it can't be done.
I do get sick of being Don Freakin' Quixote all the time. I guess the reason I've been pushing so hard lately is that I'm 29 and getting closer to 30 and I'm really starting to fear that it just isn't going to happen with me. I'm getting closer to Jose's age when I met him and I really fear becoming him even more than my grandfather.
It's also possible that I spread myself too thin and don't focus enough on one particular project at a time.
Wow, I'm such a freaking drama queen. So I didn't win a talent search; big deal. I've always made up for talent with hard work, so why would this be any different. Of course, I was hoping that this time it would be different.
Meh, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Blogs are great for getting stuff off your chest.
J.D.
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