Back again.

So, I'm feeling kinda bloggy today, having started a second, more politically based blog. Based on that, I'm going to keep this my personal journal, while the other one will let me get my other thoughts out there.

So, Grotesque is set to have its world premier at the Vampire Film Festival (ironically enough our film has no vampires!) in NOLA on Monday October, 26th. I'm jazzed as I've never participated in a real film fest before. I'm also trying to use the event to springboard my "Well Beyond Reason" feature into reality.

I've also been going back to school!

Yep, I'm in my second week of comic writing school. So far, so good. I'm learning the craft of writing better than I ever have before. I've never taken a writing class, so this is really awesome to work with someone who has such a strong grip on the concept of "story." This can only help my career.

Wrestling team's looking good. I like one of Driscoll kids who transfered over this year. I think he and his brother will fit in great with what we do.

I love judo, though my body hurts a bit today from our randori session yesterday.

I'm in a good mood, which is unique for my blogging, which is usually where I vent my frustrations.

All right, with that I'm out.

Turn your dream into a reality that hasn't happened yet.

I've been in a much better mood the past two weeks. Mostly because I took a "slight" step back and refocused my goals and how I plan to attack them. This actually allowed me to get quite a bit of planning of my next project and writing done the past two weeks.

I wrote first drafts on both my portions of the final three quarter of the Charlie Welles movie, "Well Beyond Reason." "The Virgin Sacrifice" and "Ashes to Ashes" are both in decent shape. Easily the best first drafts I've ever done. I really think my writing is coming along, which was the entire point of spending so much time writing this summer.

Seriously, in the past three months, I've written six comics, three and a half short screenplays, a corporate script, some novel work, and a bunch of long form blog entries, not to mention scripting and pitching a TV show (which failed). More importantly, I think they're pretty good. I think I can feel myself making significant strides in my writing.

Here's the thing with me: I'm all about out working people. It's how I succeeded at sports. I'm not that great of an athlete but I was always successful (not as successful as I'd like to have been, of course), not matter what level I was participating on. I think of my self as a winner athletically because I was always willing to do things other people weren't in order to improve.

However, when I began getting into the creative arts, I foolishly thought that talent was rewarded and because I was talented it would be different. It would only be a matter of time before I was discovered....

Yep, I'm an ass-clown.

I'm not sure if it was arrogance, ignorance or a combination of both but I didn't attack "my dream" the same way I attacked "my mission." Did you catch that? Cause I have a hunch that this is where and why a lot of people fail. It has always been "my dream" to be a filmmaker and a comic book writer. Growing up I'd spend hours day dreaming and plotting out ideas, but very little time actually writing them down. Don't get me wrong, I probably wrote more than most kids around my age, but I didn't spend nearly as much time jotting down my thoughts as I did conjuring them up. Part of that was because I have a near photographic memory, so if I commit a thought or idea to memory, it's there. I still have stories from my childhood etched into my brain. Like most kids, make believe was my escape. My shelter. It was a comfort zone.

Contrast that to my high school/college athletic experience. As I said before, I'm not a gifted, natural athlete. I didn't even start developing athletically till junior high school. Part of that might be because of the eyes, but that really doesn't factor into the equation here. As I was saying, in high school, I decided that I was going to be forever enshrined in the "legendary" Streamwood High School Athletic Hall of Fame (I put legendary in quotations because my high school was notoriously bad in sports) as a 2 sport athlete in football and wrestling.

See the difference. I decided wanted to be a filmmaker/writer, come hell or high water, I was going to be in that Hall of Fame. It wasn't a dream, it was a reality that simply hadn't come to pass yet.

So that's what I did in high school. I played sports not because I necessarily wanted to (don't get wrong I love sports and am not saying that I didn't enjoy what I did) because I HAD to. It's what drove me every day. It's how I defined myself. I don't know if anybody believed that I was going to...I don't want to say "achieve those goals" because it's a cliche and they really weren't goals, they were a future that had not yet come to pass, as I said. I didn't care if anybody believed me either, it was going to happen. And sure enough my senior year, it happened. I was an All-Conference/All Area Nose Guard, Captain and Most Valuable Lineman on the Football team and All-Conference/All-Area, Regional and State Championship Wrestler.

I did it. Sort of.

You see my wrestling State Championship wasn't the State Championship I really wanted. I won a Greco-Roman state title, not a "true" Illinois High School title. You see, I fell short of my goals. Did you catch that? "Goals." More on that later.

I was so upset and devastated about my senior wrestling season, that I decided that I would continue my path and wrestle at the division 1 level. That was always important to me, being a Division 1 athlete. D1 athletes are generally regarded as the cream of the crop in their sports and freshman year of high school, I decided that I was going to be one and NOBODY believed I could do that. You see it takes something special to be a D1 athlete. Most people think it's talent. They're kinda right in a way.

Sophomore year in high school, I was given the most backhanded compliment I ever received, "J.D. isn't very athletic but he'll out work anybody." I say backhanded because it is. There's nothing an athlete wants to hear less than you aren't very athletic and I refused to believe it until after my athletic career wrapped. Another reason I thought it was backhanded was because I naively assumed that everybody worked hard. I spent so much time focusing on my own growth that I never really noticed what my teammates were doing. I started taking notice afterwards.

When I decided on Northern Illinois University, a small D1 school with a young, up-and-coming wrestling program, a coach from Miliken University, a D3 school, actually called my dad and told him not to let me go there because I'd be "making the biggest mistake of (my) life." Some people would use that to fuel them. Not me, I was way too arrogant to care what a D3 coach thought. I was going to be a D1 starter at NIU and my goal was to be an NCAA All-American.

Take a guess what happened and what didn't?

Five rough years later, I was NIU's starter at 197 pounds and ranked 25 in the country. I was one match away from qualifying for the NCAA tournament and I failed. That failure is something that still stings me. I'll never get over it completely because it should've happened. I should've had my story-book ending. But I didn't I failed. I've thought about that a lot over the years and have replayed a thousand different scenarios in my head but I know why I failed. I never believed.

It was only after my dad, while trying to comfort me said, "you were never supposed to make it this far," that it really clicked. In my mind, making the team was just like the HOF, it was a reality that hadn't happened yet, my goal was to All-American. See, I knew I was going to make that team, even though by all accounts I shouldn't have for several reasons (not athletic enough, not big enough, not technical enough, no high school State Championship), it was going to happen, at least in my mind....

There it is, right there. People talk about believing in yourself, but believing isn't really the right term. It's accepting it. There's a big difference there. In order to believe there has to be a certain amount into the equation. But when you accept, you're faced with the truth. There's no need for doubt, because it's there, it just hasn't happened yet.

So when I got out of school, I immediately went right into writing. My first screenplay was about wrestling. My second was a horror story (that's me in a nutshell). I worked on them both in my off time for about a year a piece. In retrospect, they were both brutal. But so were my first two wrestling matches.

The first script went on the shelf for about a year and I eventually worked it till it was decent enough to be the subject of my first film, which I find brutal, but other people tell me is good (I don't believe them). My second script got a few reads but in reality wasn't good enough to be picked up by anyone.

I didn't write my next script till December of 05 and do you know what I did with that script? Nothing. Two year later, we decided to film it. That would take another year and a half to finish. A co-wrote another script in that time but the less said about that the better.

I've been beating myself up recently because I'm almost 30 and I feel that I haven't achieved my professional goals. Now, don't get me wrong, I am director, again that was a foregone conclusion in the making, but I'm nowhere near where I want...no, where I should be.

But have I done? Three scripts. 1 indie feature and 2 shorts. All that in six years. It's not that I haven't had ideas. My brain is so full of ideas that it feels like a virtual multiplex is going on in there. Why haven't I achieved the success that I feel I should have?

The answer is simple: While I still have my mind made up that I will be a success, I haven't pushed myself the way I used to. I don't force myself to sit and create with the same sense of urgency that drove me athletically. I've been waiting for someone to hand me my future because I think I'm something special (BTW you have to in order to succeed) and I've haven't done nearly enough to earn it.

The same thing with comics. In the fall of 07, I decided I wanted to get into that ballpark to, so what did I do? Did I go out and create my own stories and self-publish and kick and scratch to get my name out there? Nope, like a total tool, I wrote to Marvel, DC and Dark Horse trying to get them to look at me....

I swear to God, I can be the biggest moron ever....

Instead, I became the kind of person I used to mock: the guy who just talks about stuff. That was never me. I was a doer, but unfortunately, I let life sideline me. Be it my job, my diet, my hobbies, whatever. It all became more important to me than the actual work I needed to do to get where I need to be.

The best thing that ever came out of wrestling for me was the revelation that "hard work is a talent because most people can't do it." The wise words of John Stutzman.

This isn't a revelation that came to me today. I figured this out this past spring, that's why I've had this creative rebirth. Why in the past three months I've done more than I have in years and I still like I could be doing more.

Maybe I'm not as good a writer or director as I think I am. The actual truth hasn't really ever been a concern of mine before, shouldn't really start being one now. All that matter is the perceived truth. Your perceived truth.

Don't set goals. Don't dream. Dreams by their very definition cannot be attained. They aren't real. Whatever you want to do with your life, make a decision and accept that not as your "dream" or your "goal" but as reality. A reality that just hasn't happened yet.

I am a director. I have three films to my credit. I am a writer. I have several scripts under my belt now. My stuff will be out there for everyone to enjoy, it just hasn't happened yet...

But it will.

Another b(itch)log

So, Sony rejected my pitch for Homecoming. "Good concept," "tired genre," "not digging story and characters." Can't say I disagree. Though it sucks, cause getting it picked up would've been a game changer, I wasn't "in love" with the idea. I developed it specifically for Crackle, keeping things like demographics and stuff in mind. The lesson learned, if you're going to spend some time developing a story make it something you're passionate about and something you believe in, otherwise your true intentions will bleed through on the page.

I truly feel that this was the case with Homecoming. While I liked the concept, when I was daydreaming and working out, my mind was on other stories. That just goes to show that I CANNOT phone it in. I don't mean that I "should not" write stuff I'm not passionate about but I "am unable to" write stuff I'm not passionate about. That's how I win people over, by getting them excited and writing from the heart, I can honestly say that Homecoming was not this case.

The question is "where do I go from here?" In all honesty, my plan at the beginning of the summer was to work on BLOODSHOT and some WELL BEYOND REASON stuff and VISION QUEST however when the Sony thing came up I changed my focus. In hindsight, I may have made a mistake.

On the other hand, I choose to think that instead of a mistake, I got to do some more writing and get better and I do think that Homecoming was well written (Brian Krause thought so) even if the story and characters weren't up to snuff, at least (I believe) the technique was better. Plus, just getting the opportunity to pitch to a major company is huge. I got to pitch a television program to Sony Pictures Television, that's freaking huge. Most pitches are rejected and it's something that even the best (from Steven Spielberg to Alan Moore) have had pitches turned down. So, at least I'm in good company.

On the retrospective side, my sensibilities might not be quite right for that particular network and that's cool. Creatively speaking, you'll always be better off staying true to yourself and while stepping outside and trying something different might not be a bad thing, you'll always be better  off.

So, I need to focus myself on new creative fronts. Perhaps, I should just keep pushing Charlie Welles stories as they were meant to be? It's not like artists have been telling me how great my comic scripts are. So maybe I should... I just don't know.

I just don't know... but I know that I can keep trying.

Chasing Windmills Again

Yo, what it is?

So we're home after a bit of a vacation up to the Northern areas of Wisconsin and Minnesota. My buddy Scott, the inspiration for 7 Minutes, got married and it was fun to reconnect with some old college wrestling buddies. One may have some work possibilities for me in the future. Video game writing. Nothing solid, more of a "I'll pass your info to the right people" kinda thing, which is always cool.

I also pitched HOMECOMING to Sony yesterday. I'm smart enough to know I won't hear back for awhile, still can't help but be a bit nervous. At least I think I have a backup plan in case it doesn't happen.

Writing these WELL BEYOND REASON scripts and I haven't heard back from either of the artists I sent them too. I'm pretty sure one is not returning because they've lost interest, the other I may have offended. I dunno, I can't be upset, I mean they were gonna work for free. I have access (possibly) to two artists that would be awesome but they would cost money. I'm still thinking. I really want to do this, and if I do, I need to self-publish. Though the thought does run through my head, if I'm going to pay an artist, why not just pay Neil and go forward with Vision Quest? I still have a lot of thinking to do in that department. 

Of course, it's also possible that I'm not that talented and I've just chosen another path in which I can't possibly succeed. I tend to do that to myself every now and again. I believe myself to be something special and the rest of the world doesn't find me to be so great and then I'm left with mediocrity. Hell, I'd settle for mediocre instead of just plain sucking and failure. 

Maybe that online course would be a good idea. Of course, $500 is a lot to find out you're not very good. But maybe I need to hear that from an industry professional? I think I'm a good writer, I know that I make mistakes from time to time (who doesn't). When I rewrote my talent search entry, I noticed a few mistakes and figured those would probably do me in and sure enough I was right.

It's still possible I could hear back and get some feedback. It's also possible that it'll never happen. I'll wait a month or so and send an email asking for some constructive criticism. We'll see if I ever hear back.

This is going to be one of those days where I shit on myself. I know I'm a "good guy." I have a good work situation and I really should just work to keep growing my business but the truth is my heart just lies in a different place. And, as always, it's a place that is rather difficult to reach. I guess my fear is that end up like my grandfather. A wannabe writer with something to say but not enough talent to realize that it can't be done.

I do get sick of being Don Freakin' Quixote all the time. I guess the reason I've been pushing so hard lately is that I'm 29 and getting closer to 30 and I'm really starting to fear that it just isn't going to happen with me. I'm getting closer to Jose's age when I met him and I really fear becoming him even more than my grandfather.

It's also possible that I spread myself too thin and don't focus enough on one particular project at a time.

Wow, I'm such a freaking drama queen. So I didn't win a talent search; big deal. I've always made up for talent with hard work, so why would this be any different. Of course, I was hoping that this time it would be different.

Meh, I'm done feeling sorry for myself. Blogs are great for getting stuff off your chest.

J.D.

Friday Night Flights...

That title has nothing to do with anything that I'm writing (or in the case of anyone reading this, and if anyone is reading this 1)Why? 2)Thanks! 3)You need a hobby, may I suggest Doctor Who?) tonight, but I was at a football game tonight so I was in that mood.

All right, on with the blog:

I have nothing really cool to discuss tonight, I'm more or less, trying to get in that habit of writing everyday, as I read was a good idea for aspiring writers, and let be honest, till you start getting a paycheck, that's the reality. 

I actually had a really productive writing week this week. Tuesday I wrote 2 Well Beyond Reason stories. They were short stories, which is nice for me as I have trouble finishing projects. I tend to get bored when I draw near the end of things. It's the worst of my creative habits. Wednesday I tinkered around with story 2 (The Virgin Sacrifice) a bit. Thursday I did some serious rewrites to it.

This comic exercise has been really good for me because I have a tendency to think in much broader terms. Example: my "short" film GROTESQUE is having trouble being programed into Film Festivals because it's too long. That's after I edited 5 minutes out of the movie which of course was after I edited twenty pages out of the script! Writing these "old school" short comic stories is really good because it's helping me keep focused while writing and creating. It's also simplifying my technique. I still want to take Andy Schmidt's online class. It can only help.

The artists I've got committed to this thing are awesome. Some are still rough around the edges, but so am I. But there's a few that are really good. There's a girl who I've got onboard, she's gotta a real manga-heavy style, which is interesting because I'm not into manga but I dig what she does. Her art is real cute, like a manga-y Amanda Conner. This guy I'm trying to get to headline issue one is a real (and by real I mean actual) pro! He's been published by Image and Viper. The fact that he wants to work with me is awesome. It's coming together.

On the filmmaking front, HOMECOMING is in a weird place. We've got it out to a couple different actors (TV actors) trying to get them onboard before approaching Sony with the pitch. I really don't want to put anymore creative thought into it until I know we're going to do it. If Sony balks, I think it might be the death of that project, but again who really cares. It's not like I haven't been rejected in the past. I just hate waiting. That's why I have like 14 different hobbies.

My friend Casie, who works for the Midwest Indy Film Fest, sent me a thing about a documentary contest. I have a week to put another pitch package together. They probably won't pick us, but again, the more writing and pitching I do, the better at it, I'm going to get. The concept: "Aliens In The City." Should be right up my alley. We'll see.

I've totally fallen in love with judo. I love learning a new discipline and this one fits me so well, almost better wrestling did at first. I want to continue to improve and keep moving myself into a position in which I am ready to compete. I actually miss physical competition and it looks liek judo is something you can for years. It's a great hobby that takes my mind off business (lets be honest, wrestling is a big part of my financial life) and filmmaking/comic writing (the end goal). Plus, it sounds like Sensei Thomas is hooking me up with some business in that venue as well. Work is always good. Though you think with all the time I spend at Bar/Bat Mitzvah's, I'd pick up some krav maga. 

Speaking of new loves, Doctor Who is awesome. I "discovered" this show this past spring and I can't get over how much I dig it. It appeals to so much I'm into; history, science, mythology (in the sense of the show's own mythology). I don't really get excited about TV shows (I'm in what business?) very often but this one is just so different and this one has such an extensive mythology that it's fun to go back and watch episodes from 40+ years ago. If you like comics, you should love The Doctor.

I've got a fairly extensive work day lined up for Saturday so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to write then. However, I started doing this on Friday night and it's now spilled over into Saturday morning and I've written way more than I was planning on, so I wonder if that counts? I'll definitely do some writing on Sunday.

Till then.

So much for one of these a day...

So its been about eight months or since I last wrote in my blog. What can I say, I've been busy.

So, I'm supposed to be having a meeting with Dan my co-Producer about our Homecoming pitch to Sony Pictures Television's Crackle.com website and I'm frustrated and pissy cause we're not getting anything done.

So, I figured that waiting on Neil to get anything done on Vision Quest is a bit futile. He wants to draw the book but he's also committed to his fulltime job. So, I have to be patient, which as we all know isn't my strong suit.

Based on this I decided to get another artist and work on another project. I going to take my Well Beyond Reason idea which is pretty much the continuing adventures of Grotesque's Charlie Welles. At least I'll be able to get these stories out of my head and into something worthwhile.

Thinking about signing up for Andy Schmidt's (IDW editor on GIJOE) online comic writing course. I could always stand to learn how to actually write. Plus it's always good to actually work with an editor that will hear your pitches.

We'll see what happens.

So, I'm pretty bored. Waiting for Michelle to get home before I go shoot two duals for St. Viator High School. Spent most of the day emailing people about the IHSA State Finals Video and coaches about their highlight videos.

Wasted some time on Comicbookresources.com and Illinoismatmen.com.

Blah. Nothing interesting to report. After the meet, I'll be stopping at the gym and then I'll probably write Bloodshot. For some reason, I've been having a hard time getting rolling on that in the last few weeks. I rattled off the the first 30 pages and I think I know where I want to go, but for some reason I've had trouble writing it. One of the major reasons I started this blog.

Wow, the Dow and the Nasdaq are up today. Not much but every little bit counts.

Had the Upstate Eight, which strangely enough has twelve teams, conference tournament seeding meeting tonight. Things went about as good as expected. The team is still very young and kinda mediocre overall. But "mediocre" is a big step up form "sucks."

Couldn't believe some of our coaches: One guy doesn't bring his kids record sheets! Another tries to get a 0-0 kid seeded because he won the freshman conference two years ago... I wanted to shoot myself in the face.

I think we have a legit shot at getting two in the finals. A third would be nice but I'm not pushing it. Honestly, there is no reason every single one of those kids can't place in the top 6 and that really the goal this year. We haven't been a good tournament team, mainly cause we don't wrestle enough "real" tournaments, in my always humble opinion. But it's time to push the kids and expect more out of them. We've turned into a pretty decent dual team, but we have a lot of guys with okay records. But all that gets thrown away in tournament time.

I keep telling the kids that I want to have a "conflict of interests" down state this year, as I produce the State Championship video for the IHSA. We'll see what happens.

COMICS

Read Superman Beyond #2. I love Grant Morrison but I gotta go back and reread it again. I was at Panera and was a bit distracted which can really effect reading his stuff.

Dark Avengers #1 was pretty cool. They could've called this book Thunderbolts without missing a beat seeing as it's pretty much a direct continuation of what Warren Ellis was doing, which makes it A-OKAY in my book. No real big surprises, but it kinda reminds me of Busiek's original concept of villains disguised as heroes. Plus, it's always good to see Norman Osborn back in action. Bendis writes him a bit more in control of himself than Ellis did, but it should be a fun title.

Green Lantern #37 Four words: Hal Jordan Red Lantern. Didn't see that coming.

Justice League. Meh. Too old school for me.

Mighty Avengers #21: I like Slott on Spider-Man. This issue was okay. I like his line-up and I'll finish this first arch up, but I may end up trade waiting in the future.

MOVIES

Waiting on Noah to finish up Grotesque's Score. I really like the most recent cut and I had a good conversation with John Wesley Shipp (the mother freaking Flash!), our lead about it. I may have actually made a movie that isn't a complete embarrassment to myself and my family!

People tell me that I'm way too hard on 7 Minutes but it was what it was, a 30k digital movie by a first time director with a cast of non-actors. Someday I may take another crack at it, but right now, I would like to move on.

There's a lot that I'd like to see before Oscar time. The Wrestler, Slumdog Millionaire and Gran Turino all look great. I'm still pissed that I never got around to seeing The Changeling while it was in theaters. JMS is my favorite comic writer (his Spidey was new and interesting and his Thor is...wow), I really should've caught his movie.

OTHER

It's 2 am. I'm out.

Later

J.D.

First blog

Hi,  I'm J.D. Oliva, 28 year-old filmmaker/writer/wrestling coach/videographer/entrepreneur/White Sox fan/avid comic reader/ect. 

So, this is the first entry of my new blog and if you're reading this, I'm going to have to ask you...why?

Seriously though, I decided to start this blog because I've had a lot of downtime lately, the video bus. is kinda slow in January, I have plenty of Feb and March bookings, but Jan on the whole pretty much sucks. So, I want to use this extra time to get going on some writing. I was doing really good for awhile (I have the 2nd draft of my comic complete and I'm thirty some pages into my new screenplay) but sometimes I sit at my computer and just waste time on the internet. Comicbookresources.com takes up much more of my time than I car to admit.

So, I decided to start this blog as kind of a catharsis for my random thoughts. I got the idea from reading Chuck Dixon's blog (http://www.dixonverse.net). It seems like a great way to get those annoying thoughts out of your head so you can focus on more important things, even if no one reads them (more a plus for me than Mr. Dixon). Plus, it's always good to warm your figures up before really writing or (video) editing.

Anyway, most of the stuff I'm going to talk about here are going to revolve around movies, comics and wrestling. That's pretty much everything outside of my family and God (I'll probably talk about him a lot too) that I'm interested in.

I also joined twitter which is basically lazy blogging, so it should be a perfect fit for me.

Anyway, I'm going to post about one of these per day. So, I'm out.

Later

J.D.